12:57:36 
2023-07-16 
491
Narrated by Richard Tumbler
Once, when I was a teenager, I was helping my mother prepare a meal (you will see that I use the word help here in a slightly looser sense, as will be seen later). In fact it was my mother who cooked the meal while I brought her frozen peas out. For what I cannot remember, I grabbed the sack of peas from the top corner and then used scissors to cut off the edge of the other end, which was at a lower level than my hand. Of course, the contents of the sack - except for the part I was holding in my hand - were scattered on the kitchen floor, under the refrigerator, the kitchen and the stove, under the washing machine, and under our feet.
I looked at my mother feeling terrified, and my mother was under the pressure of trying to cut the meat, prevent the sauce from burning, and prepare the vegetables, and I froze in place, waiting for the inevitable lashing ...but instead my mother burst into a fit of laughter.
Do you know what happened next? I never made such a mistake again (yes, I know a lot of people can live their lives without making this exact mistake), but the point is that I didn't need to be scolded in order to learn from my mistake. It would have been better, both for my vision of my mother and for our relationship, for my mother to laugh at this mistake than to tell me how stupid I was (which, of course, is not disputed).
Of course it was an accident, even if it was that stupid, so what about those times when your kids tease you or even respond rudely to you? Even then, you may be able to turn those predicaments into fun situations, and if you can come up with a joke or a witty comment at the right time, you may be able to break their determination to make your life miserable for the next few minutes - so everyone can enjoy their time, and a strong intimate relationship as well.
There is a wonderful children's book by John Bernigham called (Would you rather?). In it, the child will ask if he prefers, for example, to cover his face with jam, or to splash his body with water. (And I highly recommend it - I mean the book, of course..). My children loved books so much when they were young, and sometimes, when one of them was misbehaving, I would try to defuse the situation by asking him, "Would you rather... just stop bothering me, or go to your room for five minutes, or if I tickle you for thirty?" A continuous second?), and here he laughs and deviates from his focus on the situation itself, and most importantly, he appreciates the fact that you ended the situation in a friendly and funny way instead of scolding him. Now that you have reminded me of this method, there are some adults with whom I can apply this method.
Relax; this is how you will all enjoy your time, and a strong intimate relationship.
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