How to Be Friends with Our Children: Showing Genuine Interest in Them

11:42:26

2026-11-11

In order to win our children's friendship and become trusted friends to them, there are several fundamental principles that a successful educator should carefully consider and strive to apply when dealing with their children. Most of these principles are derived from the educational approach of Ahl al-Bayt (peace be upon them), who emphasized that the best way to influence children is through accompanying them, listening to them, and making them feel secure and confident. Among the most important of these principles are:

Showing Genuine Interest in Our Children

True friendship is built on mutual care and concern. When a friend feels that the other person does not care about them, they gradually begin to withdraw from the relationship. The same applies to our relationship with our children. If we want them to accept us as trusted friends, we must make them feel how much we care about them, rather than simply providing for their material needs.

Imam Ali (peace be upon him) highlighted the importance of this aspect when he said:

"Whoever shows concern for you is your friend."

Some parents may say: "We do care about our children. We work long hours to provide for their material needs, buy them the best clothes and the latest electronic devices, and fulfill all their requests!"

Yet, despite all this, we find that many children complain that their parents do not pay enough attention to them. How can these two things coexist? Why do children feel neglected despite everything their parents provide for them?

The answer: Children need emotional and psychological attention more than material attention.

Yes, children and adolescents enjoy receiving money and gifts, but genuine care is not simply about satisfying their material desires; it is about fulfilling their psychological and emotional needs.

The kind of attention they are looking for is:

1. Someone who listens to their concerns and comforts them in times of sadness.

2. Someone who shares in their happiness, hobbies, and ambitions.

3. Someone who helps them solve their problems, consults them, and guides them toward what is right without imposing decisions on them or suppressing their opinions.

4. Someone who makes them feel safe and reassured by instilling faith in their hearts and teaching them about Allah, His Prophet, and their Imams.

It is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) once looked at some children and said:

"Woe to the children of the latter days because of their fathers!"

He was asked: "O Messenger of Allah, do you mean their fathers who are polytheists?"

He replied:

"No, rather, their fathers who are believers. They do not teach their children any of the religious obligations, and even when their children learn them, they prevent them from doing so. They are satisfied with whatever small worldly gains their children bring them. I disassociate myself from them, and they disassociate themselves from me."

However, when children do not receive this attention from their parents, they begin searching for it elsewhere, often turning to misleading influences. This is why we see many of them becoming devoted followers of a famous athlete, a corrupt singer, or an insignificant social media personality. They are searching for a sense of belonging and a role model somewhere else.

The true responsibility of an educator, therefore, is to care for their child, rescue them from being led astray, and guide them toward the right path.

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